and now that I'm back...home

I was in Asia for two months this summer and I just came back today. Back in Fremont for four more days, and then back to school. Our house is in the process of renovation and it looks entirely different from what I remembered from childhood, apart from one corner of wood paneling that I forced my father to keep. I'm tearing down all my posters and redoing my room, entirely, for the first time in six years or so. Everything from high school and my life in Fremont that I ever remembered, it's going away.

Why is it that I'm always so empty when I come home? Despite everything I've done to change myself for the better, each time I step back into Fremont, I'm absolutely overwhelmed with how much I've changed, how fast things are changing. I suppose this is a childish, I'm-growing-up sentiment -- wait fuck, I don't know what kind of sentiment this is. I was just sitting outside in the backyard in a lawn chair (who moved these here?) smoking a cigarette, and the sky wasn't the deep blue and stars that I remembered. It had a tint of orange from light pollution (was that there before?) and the temperature was chilly (when was it ever cold in July?) And I could see my room from where I was sitting, in the process of dismantling, and the outer shell of our walls was a skeleton of what it used to be. I can't even begin to describe how different everything is in my childhood home now, but I suppose that may be a symptom of me having not written in ages.

Isn't this what I wanted? I hated growing up here, I hated everything, so why do I feel so conflicted about this change? Time and time again, I tell myself of how much I live for changes, but

fuck

I'm tired.

OK ANOTHER UPDATE WAOAOAOAOAOOAW

documenting stuff for my portfolio is labor intensive and despicable but also somewhat rewarding so here's some shit:

oh and puppy says haro i sits on yer art documenting

School's been out for 3 weeks-ish, and I went home to NorCal for my cousin's grad at Berkeley (and took the ride up with Yinnie and parents...and they met and had lunch with my parents/BIG STEP IN OUR FRIENDSHIPZ), spent time with my parents, and am now back in LA to work on art. Life's been strange and I've been feeling strange. Crackhouse summer is such a new thing to me – I've known most of my best friends for less than a year and I'm living with them and this community thing is incredibly overwhelming and yet comfortable. I'm not sure if this is happiness or something and I'm just confused about new emotions. I'm going to Taiwan, possibly Japan, and maybe Shanghai for the World Expo next month. Oh and I'm also trying to create a cartoon with Sean and Natasha (holla) over this summer. Never have I been so sure my entire life that I want to make cartoons when I'm older...which is slightly of distress to me as I feel like I should be an animation major, then. (But I don't like animation itself – it's interesting but I'm largely interested in the creation of the concept of the cartoon itself.) But that's fine as I've relegated to the fact that I'm going to be in school for 6 years. Oh well.
I spent a lot of money this week (two new lenses, a website, and a grinder) on things that are of absolute necessity (no sarcasm) and now I'm broke again hello.

oh and here are things that have been going on in my life in picturez~

just really quick

I painted these shoes in time for Alexa's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVELYYYyyyYYyY I added red ribbons to the back but didn't take a picture with them on.

Oh also I cut hair for the first time, and I lied and told him I'd done it often. I mean, I did...I cut my bangs when I was younger but I also was notorious for cutting them all off because I'm obsessive-compulsive. And seriously! Apparently I do have obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, but I really see that as more of a benefit for my art than a social hinderance, really. But yeah, I'm surprised Wyatt trusted me so fully but I'm pretty pleased with how it worked out. Oh, also I've had this weird fear of electric razors so I conquered that shit BYAH. And I guess this is not really a good description of his hair in the photo but I pretty much buzzed the sides short and then layered it on top, and on an ideal, well-styled day, it should be an amazing pompadour!

This is a brief update because I have so much work to do but that's alright because this is the last week of school! And I have an essay to turn in tomorrow that I've yet to start! And I have a final project due tomorrow! Yeah!

Oh and here's a fun picture of my roommate! It's funny because she doesn't like anything sexual so sexual innuendos make her uncomfortable and making Yinmai uncomfortable is my favorite hobby! Exclamation mark!

I suck at this

I will make an excuse here and say I have too many things to be doing rather than writing entries in this but I'm probably just incompetent anyway. I'll just upload some pictures that are already on my computer so it makes me seem like a productive person.

These are somewhat in chronological order for my own sanity.

Peru kandeez

painting was finished a while ago but here I am posting it now because I'm on top of things

 fall semester '09

shrooming at Alice in Wonderland 3D, AMAZING

bathroom photoshoot featuring spliffs, Walking Dead compendium, smoke ring, and crackhouse toilet

I didn't take this but here's my room post-420 (421). Not shown are the tea, the rice krispie edibles, and so much more...

Oh also, ever since moving into this house, I've completely and utterly trailed behind academically and am dangerously close to losing my scholarship (which was the only reason I chose this school) and have been having nightmares about telling my mom. By Monday, I need to have finished five projects (four more to go as of now), by Wednesday, a research paper, and by Thursday, a quiz. I also feel like I have other things I'm forgetting.

Coachella was amazing, by the way. I didn't do as many drugs as I thought I'd do (oh no!) but I still had an amazing time (with hints of bittersweet). The entire experience, all the ups and downs (and there were so fucking many), made me realize that I still have a shit ton of stuff I have to sort out.

I wish I had someone who would just slap me around each time I was being unproductive. I'm going to go take some study drugs and get some work done now, bye!

panic panic panic

I shouldn't be so stressed out about art when I love doing this. FUCK SCHOOL WHY ARE YOU RUINING THE FEW THINGS I ENJOY IN LIFEEEEE UGHHHHH

ok so I guess I'm really using this now

Sorry, crappy webcam quality picture like woah but here's something else! Oil on canvas, can't remember the dimensions but it's like three feet-ish? Need to add laser eyes but after that I'm doneeeee. Maybe like 8-10 hours thus far.

uno

   Here's me making sure I actually kick my own ass and do art so that one day I may live long and prosper and you know, not suck. Pretty much just emptying out shit that's been on my computer far too long so that I don't feel too guilty about it...

Something I did early on last summer for my friends' brief interest in starting a clothing company, Agora. It was supposed to be a t-shirt design, but I guess that didn't pan through. I fucking drew this shit up via touch pad in Taiwan in swelterinng 105 degree weather.

 

the day I got my beautiful Wacom

 

the day I got my beautiful Wacom, part 2

 

shitting around in Intro to TV lecture because I am a great student

   And now, I'm going to shit around some more and hopefully get art done because even though the semester has barely met the halfway point, I'm already behind!